Taking Your Family and Wallet to the Ballpark
Well, me, a mom and one kid (close enough)
The Diamondbacks recently made some news when they were listed as the most affordable MLB team to bring a family of four to a game. The 2022 cost was calculated at $152.30 and continued their run as the most affordable game experience in the Majors for the ninth year in a row. The 2023 survey hasn’t been released yet, so we’ll just tack on the same 5% increase that 2022 had over 2021. The estimated cost is now $159.92. The items included in the cost are: the price of four average weighted non-premium tickets combined with the lowest-prices for four sodas, four hot dogs, two beers and two souvenirs (hats), along with a nearby parking spot.
So let’s put it to the test. I am missing the wife and two kids in this experiment, so I had to recruit. I invited a friend from high school and her first-grade son to the Diamondbacks-Pirates game on Saturday, July 8. She has another younger son, but he was otherwise occupied with Saturday chores. So yes, we only needed three tickets. I didn’t feel like sitting in the upper deck, so the cheapest three tickets in the lower deck I could find were $36.00 each. Throw in $20 for parking and we’re at $128.00 just to get through the door.
We got off to a rocky start. I didn’t realize the main highway to the stadium was under construction by my house, so we had to take a detour that turned a twenty-minute drive into about fifty, plus a stop for gas and sealed water bottles. Then a bottleneck at the parking garage, which somehow was over capacity despite allowing online-only passes. How do you oversell something on an app where you can code in a maximum capacity? Greedy. Anyways, we parked in the overflow level and made our way to the stadium just as the bottom of the first was wrapping up. But first, we had to stop and add to the collection of footprints on the ceiling joists. (For some reason, people whack their shoes against the white beams above and leave dirty prints. Since the little guy thought that meant Spider-Man was nearby, we added his flip-flop print, which almost ended in said flip-flop being flung out the third story into the abyss below, but it was ultimately successful).
Next we were turned away by security for unallowable bag size. Why are we shrinking the maximum bag size allowed every year? The rule is a clear, plastic bag (which women tell me are not in fashion), or a clutch that’s smaller than my wallet. So she thought she was prepared, bringing a small leather bag to hold her keys, phone and a a couple other things only to be rejected at the metal detector for being two inches too big according to the notecard. We were redirected to the rentable storage lockers, conveniently sitting outside of the shaded concourse and only accessible via app and mobile payment. Before we finished that process, I just folded the thing and stuffed it in my pocket before going in a different entrance with no search necessary.
So if we have to go through a metal detector already, why do we have to ban average-sized bags? If I had a pair of cargo shorts on, I have just as much storage as a normal purse, but I can walk right in. Unless things change and women embrace cargo pants, we should make it slightly easier for them to get into a game instead of treating them like they’re trying to smuggle contraband to their lover in prison.
We reached our seats at the end of the second inning. I would say 95% of our late arrival is my fault for not checking the traffic and not knowing the bag rule. Still, I’d like someone to give a good reason for the insane bag policy. What atrocity was committed at a sporting event where the first line in the news article was “woman carrying large purse…”?
So we get to our seats and it’s time to settle in. That means concessions. Two beers, cotton candy and a bucket of popcorn for starters. Tack on $32 to the total. I’m no parent, but I think any baseball game ticket with children under 12 might require two beers per adult, so there should be a special for that. The popcorn sadly was immediately dumped all over the woman in front of us, so we might as well have just thrown a roll of quarters in the trash. Fortunately, out of everything that could possibly be spilled on the row in front of you, popcorn might be the least likely to get you punched.
The middle innings zipped by with little turbulence aside from trying to avoid the sticky cotton candy fingers. But then hunger struck, so throw in two hot dogs for $10. And since they don’t offer kids hot dogs, the 12-inches of meat went mostly uneaten because I don’t think any five-year-old can chow down that much hot dog. And to cover up the previously mentioned sticky fingers, one foam #1 finger was bought for $10.
Then we had the 7th-inning stretch, a quick photo down by the bullpen and it was 2-1 Pirates going into the 8th inning. We found a program on the ground and I was able to keep him occupied for an inning by telling him that if someone found 50 people with mustaches in said program, they’d win a prize. He did find 50 mustaches, but I’m not sure that total is gonna stand up to an audit. It was the bottom of the 8th when I taught him about the Rally Cap. Which meant we turned our hats to the left and had to sit in our seats so we could come back to tie the game. Somehow that worked, because Alek Thomas hit just his 4th home run of the season and it was 2-2.
After a scoreless top of the ninth we decided to beat the traffic and take off. Since the kid had been asking if we could leave and go to the zoo (and Baxter never came by), he hopped into the aisle and headed out. Except when we got to the concourse, he zipped off and tried to sneak into an elevator. Then once we left the stadium, he said he wanted to go back. And all the staff watched sympathetically as he was dragged away from the ballpark. I could tell they’ve all been in the mom’s shoes more than once. And then we went home, and, despite me having to do zero actual parenting on this adventure, I was exhausted and immediately took a nap.
The final cost for two adults and one small child to go to a Diamondbacks game: $180.00
From a sentimental point of view, that’s a reasonable price for a kid, in his Diamondbacks T-Ball jersey, to experience his first Major League Baseball game. Will he remember any details? I’m sure he won’t tell his friends about the perfect relay throw from Geraldo Perdomo to throw out Henry Davis at home or the line drive game-tying home run we willed out of the park with our rally caps. But then I don’t really remember anything about being at baseball games until I was in like third or fourth grade. My senses remember things like the smell of hot dogs in the concourse, the feel of a hot plastic seat baking in the sun, hearing vendors barking out their sales pitch and the sound of the crowd that could rise or lower in volume at the crack of a bat. Maybe those get woven into your memories on a subconscious level.
I think she enjoyed watching her son experience his first baseball game. But I also know I should’ve planned better. First, you’ve definitely gotta take a walk around the stadium and look at everything. Go see the kid’s concourse, check out the pool, and see if we can find the mascot. Second, I would’ve definitely brought one of his friends to hang out with at the game. I kind of felt bad that he was with just his mom and her friend that he’d just met while having to stay in his seat, despite every kid’s desire to not sit still. But then again, there’s no such thing as an easy day at the park. I saw families everywhere. Some were happily watching the game quietly while the kids were eating ice cream. Some were putting out fires as one sister was fighting her brother. One poor mom had to sit and wait for her daughter, screaming and laying on the ground at the concession stand, to finish her tantrum.
My final thought is that a baseball game in 2023 is still a great place to take your family. Unlike when I go with a friend or a group, taking a family is a higher difficulty level. There’s just so much extra energy and time and preparation that goes into taking kids to a game. If the business side of baseball and all of pro sports can just try to make it a little easier on the wallet for families already dealing with rising daycare costs, inflation and literally everything else, that would go a long way for teams and fans.
My other final thought is that being a dad seems exhausting. I don’t know how mine handled taking us anywhere (mostly my brother and sister, I was an angel).