I invented a Single-use Time Machine
Let's use it to go to an A's game in 2028
Let’s fast forward to Opening Day 2028. The nation is desperately in need of its annual spring distraction from another hellish presidential primary season. Fans are excited for their teams, especially in San Diego where they’re in the second straight year as defending champions ;) Bryce Harper is closing on 500 home runs, Freddie Freeman and Jose Altuve are racing to reach 3,000 hits. Will Clark was finally inducted into the Hall of Fame by the Veteran’s Committee.
And the brand new Circus Circus Coliseum in Las Vegas is set to host its first regular season game, between the visiting Los Angeles Dodgers and the Las Vegas Deuces (they didn’t win the court battle to rename themselves the Aces, so being John Fisher, he went with the next lowest-valued playing card). MLB, trying to avoid the embarrassment of not selling out Opening Day in the first season of this 30,000-seat stadium, made sure to have reigning National League MVP Shohei Ohtani and the Dodgers in town to drive attendance. (To really drive home how desperate they are for large crowds this first week, the Yankees drop by after the Dodgers to try and inflate attendance numbers with the two biggest attractions in baseball).
It’s been an incredible five-year run to get to this point for John Fisher’s team. Finally ditching Oakland after the 2024 season, with attendance numbers that barely edged out the Covid year of 2020, the A’s were forced to spend 2025, 2026 and 2027 at the AAA Las Vegas Ballpark in Summerlin, a thirty minute drive from the Strip. The plan was to have their new, $1.5 billion ballpark ready in 2027, but when the project’s cost ballooned to over $2 billion, construction ground to a halt as lawsuits and court battles over who would pay the overage resulted in 18 months of inactivity at the hulking steel and concrete skeleton eyesore sitting atop where the historical Tropicana Casino once stood. Ultimately, the public was coerced into paying the extra $500 million, bringing the sticker price to the taxpayers to a total of $880 million. In a city with a declining population due to strict new water usage regulations and slowing tourism after the end of Ed Sheeran’s residency run.
What does the roster look like? The A’s/Deuces of the 2020’s are the equivalent of the Take-a-Penny tray at the gas station. A team built on discarded veterans, change-of-scenery former prospects and a few homegrown draft picks that had their growth stunted by the turmoil of the franchise. But the 2028 payroll is the team’s highest in franchise history, taking a page out of the Jeffrey Loria playbook when Marlins Park opened.
Las Vegas, under pressure from the league office, went out and signed shortstop Bo Bichette (7yrs/$242m), starting pitcher Corbin Burnes (5yrs/$125m) and closer Brusdar Graterol (3yrs/$50m). They immediately drew comparisons to the trio of Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle and Heath Bell in 2012. They were all off the roster by the end of 2013. That spending spree, an attempt to justify the brand new ballpark with the incredible home run statue and home plate aquarium, brought the Marlins payroll to $112 million for the season, the 7th highest in the league. That was their one and only year with a payroll in the nine figures. As of 2023, the only teams to never have a payroll north of $100 million are the Rays and A’s.
So March 31st, 2028 comes and goes. All night games have to be played with the retractable roof closed because of the setting sun’s glare off the towering glass casinos in the neighborhood. The Dodgers beat the Deuces, 4-1 in front of an announced crowd of 30,455, a majority of whom were dressed in blue. The weekend series with the Yankees is similar, with an average crowd of 29,200, but mainly decked in NY merch.
Reality sinks in during the dog days of August. The lack of a local fanbase and the hard sell of getting fans of the Atlanta Braves to come bake their asses off in exchange for discount hotel rooms and $25 in chips at the Wynn leaves attendance figures ranging from 11,000 to 17,000. Thanks to the magic of AI, however, the league is able to digitally fill those seats with a mass of four-fingered Vegas fans that show up loud and rowdy on television broadcasts and highlight reels.
At the owners meetings in early 2029, they finally realize how foolish they’ve been in politically supporting and financially enabling this deadbeat owner as he once again pulls in record revenue sharing dollars while adding nothing to the game of baseball. John Fisher is forced to sell the team. He reluctantly does so, pocketing $4.5 billion for the franchise he ran into the ground and left for dead in the Nevada desert. Who would pay that much for this? The Public Investment Fund of Saudi Arabia of course. And they have no problem with the league’s first ever $1 billion payroll when they begin the 2030 season as the league’s all-stars have all taken 200% raises to sign there.
And to think, that last paragraph is probably the best possible outcome of this fucking mess.